Reason six: Certainty

Those who know me know that I am a student of people. I watch them, analyze them, and silently diagnose them (fyi, almost everyone has some characteristics that give them a mental health diagnosis in my mind.)

My most recent observation of people is one of numbers. If ten percent of the population is gay, it stands to reason that ten percent of most families are. HH has an incredibly large, Catholic family so recent comversations have led themselves to guessing who the ten percent might be, if this is so.

Although we agreed on possibilities, the chance always remains that HH is one of them. I don't actually think that my husband is gay, but he certainly has some tendencies that make me wonder from time to time. Not wonder in a serious way, but wonder if sexuality is, itself, a myth.

A few nights ago, I caught HH in the refrigerator holding this little bottle of lemon juice and saying, "This is so cute" in a baby, singsong type of voice. A lemon juice bottle is cute? This is not the first time I have caught HH saying this about something, but certainly the most odd of all of the things.

Then there are the man crushes that all hetero men have. Once, HH wanted me to buy him a t-shirt because one of his friends would love it when he wore it. It was a Mustang shirt (the car, not the horse), removing some of the gayness from the proposal. I, however, agreed with the arangement that he admitted he had a non-sexual crush on the friend - a la Seinfeld and Keith Hernandez. He can also call another friend and chat for an hour about what they ate that day, what songs are really "killer", and gossip about other friends. This definitevely "girly" behavior make me wonder...are we all really just the same and just happen to land in a body with certain parts? (Note: I am not saying that gay men are girly, just that these are not typical hetero man behavior.)

Just as soon as HH leaves me in awe, his hetero flag flies when he dresses himself in 15 year old acid washed jeans and a free cigarette t-shirt or bores me with a 20 minute discussion of cold air intake on a vehicle or dances his self-named "clothes dance" (don't ask.)

HH sometimes purports that there is no such thing as bi-sexuality; yet, he gets a certain amount of emotional happiness from impressing his male friends with a t-shirt. A typical hetero man would make more money, get a bigger house or a faster car to do this. HH, however, dresses pretty for his man.

While I know HH's sexuality, if I were married to a gay man, I would always be certain. I would not have a headache from pondering the whole concept of sexuality as a whole (let's face it, none of us understand it, it just is.) Or is it better to remain uncertain?